I want to be brave enough to tell. I want to say it before the bile strangles the words back down my throat. I want the fear that courses through me to just fucking stop. Intimate touch is completely negated by absolute terror. My mind tells me it was so long ago, that logically, I shouldn't even be able to remember it. I've tried so hard to rid myself of the scars that lie beyond the physical. But really, it's been the greatest struggle I've ever had to overcome. And the words aren't going to come easy. It replays in my head over and over again. It was the point in my life that brought everything I knew about the world to a screeching halt. I stopped believing that anything had sense or purpose. Since then I've feigned this idealism and hoped that maybe something would come along and change my mind. I haven't lost hope yet, but I'm starting to question the current social scene. Will we make the strides that need to happen? I don't know. I'm all over the place mentally. I have been for the past few days. Getting through this week will be helpful, even though I'm not going to be able to see Erik, because he has to go straight home after school. The next time I'll be able to see him unless he comes down during the summer is in the beginning of July. Six months? Seriously uncool. OK before the randomness becomes too much I'm going to post this.

Kerry