Identity Crisis? Maybe?

Yesterday was an amazing day. I went to Moss Park with Ken and he showed me how to use his awesome Nikon camera so that I could have some nice pictures for my lighting journal. I was having so much fun composing pictures and capturing light that I finally realized, this is the most fun I've had in a long time. So much so, that it really got me thinking. Is show production really what I want to do with my life? I've always loved music and theater and live shows. And I've always loved art in any and all forms I love making it, I love looking at it. I just love art. And I'm having a huge struggle with whether or not my love for art supersedes my love for music. Music has always been there for me even in the worst times. It was my outlet for so much of the shit I've been through and has helped shaped me into the person I am today. I'm not a good enough musician to bring my own music out into the world, but I always thought that through producing live sound that I could bring music to others and help them shape who they are and who they want to be. Lighting had it's potential but electricity scares the bejeesus out of me. And I found a school that did what I wanted to do and allowed me to get out and do it in a shorter time than if I had gone to a 4-year university.
But here's my complication: Recently (in the past year or so) I've been getting into things like photography and photo manipulation and digital art. But music was still my first love. I came to school here at Full Sail and was told by someone that I didn't look like I belonged in Show Pro. I thought to myself, "How DARE you make a split-second decision like that when you don't even KNOW me?" But as I got further and further into Show Pro I realized I didn't quite click with everyone like all of the other people in the class do. In fact, at certain times I felt flat-out excluded simply because they didn't feel I had the knowledge they do. But I just figured I was being paranoid. But at this point the people I talked to a lot in the beginning don't talk to me anymore. And when they do talk to me I get this condescending feeling. Like an, "I've done more shit than you so that means I know everything" kind of deal. And honestly, having to deal with people like that makes me want to switch but it also makes me want to tough it out and prove them wrong. But do I stick with something that isn't making me as happy as I think I could be? I really don't know. I always tell everyone to follow their heart. It's something I've believed ever since I heard that phrase. But it's hard to follow something that isn't sure what direction it wants to go to begin with. Music or Art? Art or Music? If money was no object I'd finish the associate's and go on for my Bachelors in Digital Arts and Design. But that's just another goddamn cog in the ticking clock that's slowly becoming a bomb that's going to blow up in my face.
At lab the other day the instructor said he really liked my chase sequence. Yesterday Ken said he really liked my pictures. What did I feel better about? The pictures. And it's always been that way. I'm proud of my art. But does that mean I'm not proud of my sound mixes and lighting plots? No. But I'm still wandering among the ventricles of my heart, trying to figure it out.

I need a weekend. No laptop. No phone. Just a notebook. I've reached technological overload and need to do some soul searching.