I need to stop caring so much about what people think about me. I need to stop this desperate crave for approval. It's always been there. I've never in my entire life been one of the "Popular Kids." I'm a firm believer that the things you were denied in youth are the things you seek in adulthood. So here I am 20 years old and pissed off cause I'm not one of the popular kids? I know I'm being irrational and immature, but I can't help it. It's weird. On the surface, everything is fine. But there's definitely an animosity brewing underneath the surface. I'm so tired of desperately trying to be everyone's friend.
It's funny, I like to pretend I have this facade. Like who I really am isn't this weak, blithering, vapid, shallow person that I've appeared to be. What's worse, pretending you're so much deeper than you act or being so terrified to let the deepness show all everyone knows is this giddy, idiotic girl. I'm so terrified of giving the wrong impression to people but I'm trying so hard to be something they're looking for in a person that I immediately become something I'm not. I'm wondering if that's why I feel so transient. I can't stick to one thing long enough to let it become a part of me. I've always felt like a placeholder, like the person you keep around til the person you're really meant to be close with comes along.
Well, that's it. I'm tired of being disposable. I'm tired of being the one cast aside. It's time to find some roots. It's going to take a lot of time and a lot of growth. But I need to stop spending so much time worrying about whether or not I'm good enough for something and spend more time DOING it and living my life.
PS: To everyone who treated me like less than I deserved and I let them: FUCK YOU. I'm not doing it anymore.
About Me
- xharuki
- I'm Kerry. I go to Full Sail University in Orlando, Florida. I pretty much love it here. I used to live in Maryland but I got sick of all of the douchetwats and drama. I curse a lot. I try not to screw up too bad but sometimes it just happens. I like music, shopping, going to concerts, video games, and just hanging out with people. I'm down for whatever. I also love quotes and poetry and writing in every sort of form possible. So leave me a quote if you feel like it in a comment or something. And I'm always there if you need me, all you have to do is call.
I think this is good. I remember how I was once, always wanting to be part of the popular group. But, basically that is pointless. Be who you are...who you were meant to be and everything will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteAnywhere you go, you will have a hierarchy of people, but whatever. Don't let that bother you. Just be who you are supposed to be, and do not worry about the rest. If someone doesn't like the person you are, then their loss. Trust me, this is not worth the stress or concern that people give it.
Ken